One on, one off, one in the wash…

Cambodian snow. It’s everywhere you look. There is a layer on everything. To the untrained eye, it may just be an annoying fine layer of brown dirt. However, if you look closer, it is actually the most beautiful thing to see. Look closely at the landscape, at the people. They are smiling at you. Happy. Triumphant. One would never guess the atrocities that have occurred here over and over and over again. One would think the lady with no legs begging on the street would be bitter. Or the old man with nothing but the piece of fabric wrapped around his emaciated body, walking barefoot on the rocky dirt road would shoot you death stares. Just the opposite. They welcome us into their country with open arms and huge smiles. It’s amazing after all they have been through. I had heard of The Killing Fields. The movie. Not the actual situation. I thought Khmer Rouge was one man. Never knew the situation. At least until yesterday. Our day was on motorbikes. Our favorite way to see the places we are in. It is the only way to get a true feeling for each place as you are able to see inside the homes of the people. We stopped at a Wat (temple). Here Sakai told us the story of the Khmer Rouge. Crazy shit. If you wore glasses, you were killed, because they thought you were educated. Families were ripped apart never to see eachother again. Once again, situations very similar to the Holocaust that I have learned and learned and learned. Why again I ask, have I never heard of these? Because we did NOTHING to help. No one did. A group of people regime who was tired of the way things were, came into power and systematically carried out a genocide with no international help. For 3 years, 8 months, and 20 days, anywhere from 2.7-3.7 million people were killed for no reason. Men, women, children. All brutally tortured and killed. They were taken into fields….There is a monument here that is full of skulls and bones that were found. Real shit. Hard to look at. It became too emotional for me. I couldn’t listen anymore. I had to get out. I walked outside the gate and stood watching children play at school. You could have been in Lafayette, at Happy Valley Elementary school. Some chased eachother, some sat talking. But they were all happy. It was painful to look at them and know that at any given time, any of those children could be playing at their homes, or their friends homes, and a land mine could blow them up. TODAY. Not in the 70s. TODAY in 2017. What if that were Ari I thought. At the end of the Regime, land mines were placed by Thailand, Vietnam, and the Khmer Rouge. No one knows where the others put them. Not that it matters. We are in a valley. And with each rainy season, the land shifts, and with that shifting, the land mines follow. So, at any time in any place…..Fucking Crazy! Hard to wrap your head around it. Currently, about 50% of Cambodia is 18 and under!!!!! Those who lived through them many civil wars that went on even after the Khmer Regime ended, carry those images with them. They could all have the why me attitude. But no. They have each time picked up, and rebuilt. Over and over again. They are probably the strongest people I have ever met. Again, many have nothing. 
Cambodia is the land of either you have nothing, or you have a lot. There isn’t a middle ground. If you have real walls and real windows and not tin, palm, or whatever you can find to make a wall, you are well off. They exist side by side, neither one prettier than the other. Really. The run down shacks are just as beautiful as the concrete homes right next to them. Many of the roads are dirt roads. And those are the good ones! Trash is everywhere. Yet, it is beyond beautiful. 

Sitting on the bank of a river in Ayutthaya @ 6:00 pm, watching the elephants come and bathe. It may seem like a zoo to some, however, this is not a zoo. This is what they do every evening. On their own. With their Mahouts (trainers). They are not ridden by people during the day. I just had a “conversation” you will with Lee, a 28 year old Mahoot who knows absolutely no English. I learned that he had been working with his elephant, a 46 year old female for the past 9 years. He was 19 when he started with her!!!! So jelly. I want one. She is his elephant. He was not riding her. She was free to do whatever she wanted. Believe me when I say this was the most beautiful experience. My past experience here in Ayutthaya was also so much so, that I asked Sakai if we could take one of our days in Bangkok and come up here. I wanted Marc and Ari to see the temples before we got to Cambodia, but I also wanted them to see the elephants, and hopefully connect with a place that will forever have so much meaning to me. This was one of those experiences I had in December that have stayed with me every day since. I am beyond happy to share this with them. I thought I wanted to have my experiences for myself. They were after all, my own personal healing moments. Though I decided I needed to show Marc and Ari this magical moment. I’m not sure if Marc will get the magnitude of just how much Ayutthaya means to me. I was curious as well to see if it would still be as special now, months later…I think it is even more special now. I will never forget my two hour conversation with Melissa after a most difficult night. Talk about someone bringing you down from the ledge…..
We were able to share the elephants walking with their Mahoots to take their evening baths. They may have been even more excited by it than I was. I can’t tell you where it is, because the “Sakai Secret” would then be known to even more people. Shows you how much he can actually keep a secret. LOL. 
We also went to Lamp Post Cafe. A cafe we went to, sometimes multiple times a day back in December. The laughs. The gaffaws. The drinks. The French Fries with Magee..Thak remembered us and even knew what we would order. No Chubby Scouts to be seen though. (that’s another story). We saw a few temples. Which is a great beginning for Marc and Ari for what we will be seeing in Cambodia. They got a base of the history. Next, we took them by the Homestay I stayed at for two nights. How welcoming that they remembered me. No one was occupying my room, so I was able to show Marc where I stayed. He was very appreciative by this. I think he is finally seeing what my running away was. That is wasn’t about him. That it was about and for me. That I needed that time to try and find a quiet place where I could begin the process of healing. And that is exactly what I was able to accomplish on my trip in December. We are also extending our trip by a week so that Sakai and I can bring them to the other places we went. Marc needs to see just about everything. I’ll spare him from the crocodile filled river crossing and the leaches. And Erewan Falls as well. Those experiences were for me and me only. Hopefully, Marc will get to meet Arjan Nang when we return to Bangkok in a few weeks. I know what my next piece of art is going to be, and I’m excited for it. Stay tuned for that….
Excited for The next few weeks in Cambodia. Most likely won’t have wifi or internet though. Which is actually a great thing. Am truly loving unconnecting and reconnecting with those that mean the world to me. 
Thanks to you all for sharing this journey with me. I look forward to many more…..

Time here in Bangkok, my favorite city in the world, has really made me think. It has made me think about who I was, who I have become, and who I want to be when I grow up. Couple that with the past few weeks of the most amazing, mind blowing, and even intense traveling, and you will come up with a mish mosh of emotions. I have loved every second of this type of traveling. Even when going to the bathroom outside was a nicer option than what was offered inside. Even when petrified to fall asleep with the cockroaches on the train. Even with the smell of mothballs that makes me gag, that for some reason is EVERYWHERE in Southeast Asia. Even with the idiosyncrasies in those you are traveling with become clear. And I am not talking about leaving the seat up. Because traveling as the only female in the group, that is inevitable. Its not like you’re gonna sit on the seat anyway. It’s not peeing on yourself when you squat over the hole that they call a toilet (your aim gets better with time ladies). It’s not the hangriness that happens to those who don’t eat when we have food. It’s deeper than that. When you travel as intensely as we have been doing, emotions can run high. Things are said, or not said for that matter, that may have not been said in other circumstances. Things that are said are taken completely out of context and misinterpreted as well. It makes you have to sit back, breathe deeply, look out at the magnificent view, and keep yourself from jumping off that ledge. You can be sitting next to a pool in a beautiful boutique hotel in Hoi An, at a roof top bar in Hanoi, or even a balcony on the 27th floor looking at the magnificent Bangkok skyline all night long. Whatever it takes to keep you from jumping. You have to look deep deep deep into your soul and make decisions. Decisions about how you are going to proceed. What will you do tomorrow? Or in an hour? Will you sit silent and sulk? Will you take into account the other person’s feelings? It’s up to you to decide how to proceed. Do you ask Buddha for a sign? Or is this the sign? Yes my friends, this is all a part of this type of travel. 
Looking out at this city, you see just how nonconforming it really is. You have the most advanced architecture coupled with ancient run down buildings. All mixed together living harmoniously side by side. It is that nonconformity that makes me truly love this city. You can be what you want to be. It doesn’t matter what other people think. It really doesn’t. Just be yourself. It’s that easy. Things tend to work best when it’s real. Even if it hurts. Even if it means putting up walls. 
The walls of many of the cities we have been to were put up for a reason. To keep “hurt” out. They were built high and strong. Strong enough for those inside to survive. Because without them, survival wouldn’t or couldn’t happen. They are still up today. In the areas where they were broken or even taken down, whether by an intruder, or by time, you can see the pain in the raw exposed facade. Sometimes that rawness can make you tear up, or it can even believe it or not, make you smile. In some instances, they have built up those broken down walls. Even taller and even stronger than they once were. In others, they remain down. They are beautiful in whatever state they are in. In some places, a soft velvety moss has grown to protect the exposed brick. In others, a beautiful tree has grown. Even without dirt, it has gotten the nourishment it needed to flourish. It’s all about choices. It’s all about time, circumstances, and choices. Choices of how to move forward once things have been broken down. Choices of how to survive. Because sometimes you have no other choice but to survive. 
As the sun begins to now rise over this magnificent city and a new day begins, I am even more excited about the next half of this adventure. Who or what will I become when it’s over? ? Will it even finish? Will I change? Will walls go up higher and stronger? Will velvety moss cover for protection? It will a tree grow? Whatever it is, it will be real, nonconforming, new, old, and so beautiful. That much I am sure. 

Ho Chi Minh City

Times Square? Continental Divide? Vegas? Downtown Disney? Jungle? Vietnam is all the above. Once again, not sure what I expected it to be, but it wasn’t anything I think I would have had in my mind. High Rise buildings are everywhere in Ho Chi Minh (Saigon) and in Hanoi. Didn’t expect that for sure. Our hotel in Ho Chi Minh was one of the oldest, yet is was absolutely beautiful. The woodwork was stunning. All of the amenities we had in Hong Kong. Crossing the street was an experience of putting your life on the line each time. It’s hard to remember to not stop or don’t run. Traffic lights apparently mean shit…Green means you can go. Yellow means you can go. Red means you can STILL go!!! 

Driving in Vietnam is not for the feint at heart either. On our third morning we were driven in an SUV from Ho Chi Minh to Da Lat. A harrowing, nail biter, 6 hour drive. There are no rules of the road. People pass while going around curves, they drive in whatever side they feel like driving on. The bus drivers are the worst. I don’t think I will ever get used to it. Nor will I or can I not get sick to my stomach each time we pass a restaurant advertising their delicacies…. (dog and cat). Yup. You read that right. There weee even pictures of dog faces with cat mouths…(I may have just thrown up in my mouth). What I can tell you however, is that we are getting better at crossing the street! 
Da Lat is a city in the Mountains. It was so beautiful. So nice to get out of the city and the pollution. We were in the home of Vietnamese Coffee. OMG! After not having coffee for 3+ years, I couldn’t think of a better place to have some. Hot or iced with sweet condensed milk. Soooooo fucking delicious. The only problems are, A) they’re too small. And 2) you best be near a bathroom afterwards. And have I mentioned the bread and pastries? The best Bahn Mi EVER!!! We went to visit some waterfalls, and came across a Treetop Adventure Park. Why not we said. We’ve all done it before. Remember how amazing I was in Thailand? Now was my chance to show Marc and Ari the fears I overcame. We went Marc, Ari, Sakai, and then me. All was going well. Marc was slowly getting used to the obstacles. Ari and Sakai were flying across with ease. I was even doing much better than I thought. We completed the Green Course- 25 obstacles. Got some water and set out for the Blue Course. It looked much easier than the one in Thailand. That was until I saw how high it actually was. Holy Fuck. I told them I would wait at the bottom, that I was finished. Nope. Sakai was having none of my shit, so Up I went. All was ok until the Cargo Net. Ari fell off and had to be rescued (he was still attached to the course). Even sakai was having a go at this one. Marc was saying how tired his arms were after he went. Shit. My turn. Doing great until the last third. Fell off and had to be rescued…Why couldn’t they just hook me up as if it were a zip line from the beginning? I would have aced it!! Ok. Just a few more to go and the final zip line to the end. That one looked sooo fun. And it was….until I told Sakai to help stop me as I approached the end platform….He just stood there and laughed as I bounced off and started flying backwards towards the other end. Shit shit shit! I’m not moving back to the finish line. I’m dangling above a lake and half way between either end. FUCK YOU ALL! Stop laughing. It’s not funny. Started pulling myself towards the end. After a while I just couldn’t do anymore. I couldn’t feel my fingers and my arms were numb as well. I would stop and rest while Ari was yelling for someone to help me. Marc and Sakai were telling them not to help me that I could do it. I made it almost the entire way back, but just couldn’t finish by myself….Did my best. Wasn’t scared for a second though. Just dead tired. 
The falls were ok. Now comes a major obstacle for Ari…A bobsled down the mountain. You control your speed and you’re on a track similar to a rollercoaster. He has been petrified of this for months. What was going to happen? I went first with Sakai behind me. Then Ari, and finally Marc. Of course I had lame people in front of me that kept stopping…. so annoying. Wait? What is that I hear behind me? Couldn’t be…Is Ari whooping for joy? Is that him having the best time? Yaaaaay!!!!! All those months of his imagination getting the best of him for nothing. So proud of him for conquering his fears. We will work on bicycle riding next when he will have to ride to Nha Trang. Meantime, we will enjoy all that Da Lat has to offer us. Which is a lot! We had the best time just walking around, eating, and drinking. Many games of Uno were played in cafes. So fun. 

Can’t wait to see our next cities! 

I finally understand everything Chua has done to raise Ari for the past 11 years. Seeing the mountain tribe people in Vietnam and being here in Luang Prabang in Laos, her country, has really made it all so clear just how lucky we have been to have Chua in our lives for so long. Yes, Lao people are slow, and a t times lazy,but I wouldn’t change that for anything. The way she bundled him up in 90 degree weather now makes so much sense. In her village, where they literally had NOTHING, the slightest fever would most certainly mean potential death. The love and patience she has had for him is abundantly clear. She truly raised him as her own child. Some parents where we live couldn’t handle this. They put waaay too many restrictions on their Nannies. I am so happy I gave Chua free reign. Even though I haven’t been to her village, I have been to enough villages in Vietnam and here in Laos to see just how happy these people truly are. Their The material things we have mean shit. Yes, they all (or at least most) have tv and cell phones. But they don’t have land lines. And they have nothing else. And when I say nothing, I mean nothing. Their homes are built on stilts with bamboo or teak, and have grass and palm thatched roofs. They have dirt floors, minimal electricity, and no real bathroom. You go in a hole on the ground…..The kids don’t have Xbox, 3DS, computers, or anything electronic. They play soccer barefoot on dirt. Many don’t even go to school, even though it is free for them. They work in the rice fields, or the jungle helping their families to survive. The conditions are extreme, however, they are the HAPPIEST children you will ever see. My hope is that some of this will rub off on Ari. I know marc and I will be making a more conserved effort to limit screen time so that we can continue to connect as a family. I know this trip is hardhard for an 11 year old, who truly has never experienced anything like this. Yes, he loves a very privileged life, which is why this trip was so important. He is at that age where he can understand and make those changes. To see what is really important in life. We al have learned so much so far. I think I am the only one though who truly has this travel bug. Somehow, I am goi g to take a year and travel the world. They can join in for as long and they can and want to. Ari cannot learn this shit in school or from a book. He is getting life lessons that can only be learned from living life. It’s not all Fisher Island or the Hamptons…Or Lafayette for that matter. This shit is REAL. We have all unplugged and reconnected in a way that I don’t think we have ever done. For that and for many many many other reasons, I am so thankful to have had Sakai enter into my life. I know it is mutual. Some of you may have and still question it, but I am here to tell you that when someone like this enters into your life, take it all in and don’t question a minute. It’s real and it’s the most amazing friendship you can ever have. 
Time to unplug and enjoy Laos…Drinks by the pool are up next…And maybe a massage. (I’m not giving up everything. I’m not that crazy. Especially when they are $6 USD!!!!!!!!!!! 

Holy shit. If today (Tuesday) wasn’t the biggest mind fuck. We started the day going on an hour long boat trip up the Saigon River to CubChi to see the Cu Cuchi Tunnels. It was there that our Vietnamese guide proudly showed us the elaborate city of underground tunnels that the Vietcong built during the Vietnam War. While he smiled as he showed us the elaborate booby traps that the Vietcong guerrillas built to tortuously maim and kill US troops, and to outsmart them. One couldn’t help but think how genius they were. I mean really, they wore their recycled rubber tire sandals backwards to confuse the US troops of which way they were going, so that they could lure them into an area while the Vietcong were hiding in the jungles on the perimeter and they could trap them and kill them all. He tried to “balance” the horrors that each side inflicted upon each other.  
We then had an amazingly relaxing boat ride back to Ho Chi Minh City and our hotel for some relaxation and beers. I need to point out that Sakai did not join us this morning…It was just the three of us, and we had a great time as a family. Sakai insisted that we get moving as we were going to the War Remnants Museum next. Having no knowledge of this museum, I did what anyone would do…I googled it and Wikipedia gave me the down and dirty…Ummmmm….Is this appropriate for an 11 year old I questioned. Marc, Sakai, and myself had a discussion of how this would go down. Marc and myself would go through the museum at our own pace, while Sakai would, at my asking, tell Ari the story at a level that would be appropriate for him to learn. With enough detail, but not too much or too graphic…I did/do want Ari to learn this point of view so that when he learns in school when he is older, he can ask questions questioning what he learned when he was younger and piecing it together with the new found knowledge he would learn. 
The War Remnants Museum used to be called The US Aggressions War Crimes Museum…Seriously??? WTF? It shows the US Journalist experiences and photos taken during the war. The top floor tells “The HistoricTruth” Their version of how the War began. Some of it may actually be true. Then there is a large exhibition of War Correspondent photos and articles. These are from journalists around the world. This was the first time the media was allowed on the front line as well as the first time there was the technology available for this to happen during any war. 
The exhibit portrayed Vietnam as the “good guys” and the US and just about everyone else as the evil barbarians who committed the atrocities of war, while they were just poor victims…
So there you have it…A tale of two wars. It doesn’t matter which you believe. My point is not to start a debate. Just to share my own personal experience of 

Today. 
PS- I couldn’t do the entire exhibit. I had to leave. It was just too much…

What a whirlwind the last two and a half days have been! Left SFO Thursday for a 16 hour flight and landed in HKG Friday night. (Lost a day somewhere in that) Said see you on Monday to Sakai, who was going home to unpack his winter gear after being with us in the USA for three weeks, do laundry and repack for warmer climates. 

Once we cleared customs and got our luggage, we were met by a friend from high school who was relocated there 8 years ago for work. Ken and Erika took us by train to our hotel downtown, even though they live the opposite direction. They were prepared with a local cell phone for us to use and MTR (the train system) cards WITH money on them! Who does that?? Seriously, the warmest welcome from a friend I haven’t seen in 30 years! We were trying to remember their instructions for the morning. I remember hoping Marc was getting it all. All I heard was Whamp whamp whamp (think the teacher in Peanuts cartoons). They said good night right after we checked in and said they’d see us in the morning. They had the next two days planned out for us to see their city with their family. Ken is a pilot for FedEx and arranged his schedule so that he could be in town for when we were here. Again, WHO DOES THAT? So appreciative we were!! 

After we checked in and got up to our room on the 30th floor, we realized we had a corner room that overlooked the entire Harbor. SCORE! We went downstairs to grab a bite to eat. We were so tired, that I couldn’t even tell you what we had. Went up to sleep, which we couldn’t. I think we finally fell asleep around 4 am? But I don’t know if it was 4 am where we were or back home. When we saw daylight, Ari pushed the buttons to open the drapes, and we were amazed by the view. Just amazed! 

Took the train to Ken and Erika’s out in Discovery Bay. Met their three beautiful daughters, their dog Buster, and their Nanny Bernadette. Then we walked down to the ferry and caught up on all the gossip over the past 30 years….took a ferry to a neighboring fishing village Peng Chau for some delicious local Dim Sum. Not a tourist in sight. Walked around the tiny island, and then caught another ferry back to Hong Kong. Then we walked all over the city. And when I say all over, I mean alllllll over. Took a bus up to Victoria Peak- the highest peak in HKG, were amazed by the views. Had many a bathroom stop. OMG, those cues were so long. In fact, there were cues everywhere we went. You’ve never seen so many people. Being Chinese New Year meant even more people in HKG. The line to take the tram down was over an hour so we decided to walk. What? More walking? Hadn’t we done enough already the kids were asking. We told them that it was all downhill, and we were going to a Whiskey Bar when we got to the bottom. The kids were not happy. They just couldn’t appreciate our motivation to get to the bottom. Add in darkness AND now it was raining. No one was prepared for the weather. But we laughed and made our way down the slippery road to the bottom of the escalators. Which, btw, only go up…we heard all about these escalators and all we got were stairs…
Warmed up with some really good whiskey and kobe burgers and walked even more back to the train to take us back to our hotel. We walked 22,000+ steps!!! I couldn’t believe what a trooper Ari was all day. He maybe got 6 hours of sleep in 48 hours and he just pushed forward. I hope he continues to push forward for the rest of the trip!! 
Sunday morning we were sent instructions to our burner phone on how to meet up with the Dubinskys again. We were becoming pros on the MTR. We were off to Kowloon. To Fuk Wing and Fuk Wah. The sights, the sounds, the smells….Trying to take it all in. It was electric. Your senses were on fire. We just love this city. Walked all over Kowloon, the markets, the anime shops, everywhere. And along the way, our friends surprised us with treats iconic to HKG; egg custard pastries and fresh mango in glutenous rice buns. Delish! Went to the Ladies Market, where you can find all the Kata Espada (Kate Spade) and LW (Louis Vuitton) knock offs. Apparently, the hottest thing to buy are those rings for the back of your cell phone. They were everywhere. Along with all the other things you could buy. Each stall trying to get you to buy from them. We took it all in, ending the day taking the Star Ferry back to HKG. Still amazed they gave us their entire weekend! So fun being together. The kids had a blast! Ari is going to miss Jordyn, Ava, and Addison! He is already asking when we can go back to HKG! 
We would definitely consider moving to Hong Kong for a few years. Let’s see if we can make that happen! It’s the most efficient and clean city. Expensive as hell, but so are Honolulu and London, the other places we are looking into…. It’s all relative. 
On the plane now headed to Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam, to meet up with Sakai and begin the next part of our adventure. Good thing Ari and I got new sneakers this morning, were gonna need them. We’ve got a lot more walking ahead of us for the next 6+ weeks carrying backpacks. 

Until next time! 

Just boarded Cathay Pacific Flight 879. The same flight I boarded Thursday November 29, 2016. Same day of the week. Same seat I sat in. Headed in the same direction. Though nothing is the same about this flight. For starters, Ari couldn’t stop chattering away from the second his eyes opened this morning. He was so excited about what lies ahead. Marc kept hugging me before we left our house thanking me for making this adventure possible. I’m not crying wondering what the hell I’m doing running away from home. And best of all, Sakai is with us. Has been for the past three weeks. The only sadness leaving this time, is that Sakai won’t be returning with me when we do decide to return…It will be about 6 months before we see each other again. I’m ok with it though. It’s just how life goes. We are already planning our next adventure, just him and I. As well as another family adventure after that. 
As I sit here and think about it all, I am amazed I am still standing(figuratively, as I am literally sitting) I hope Marc knows just how big of a support he has been. Especially for letting me go. Ari too for that matter. What must have gone through his just 11 year old mind that his mother ran away to a foreign place with an unknown person. It was that foreign and unknown that has made it possible for this to happen now. While last time, there was no question about my being alone, this time, I am so happy they are both with me. I wouldn’t have it any other way. 

Remain in the moment. Be present. That is my daily mantra for this trip. There will be no looking ahead. There is no need to know what happens next. Something will happen, and it will be a new experience, whether good or bad. I don’t need control. I don’t want it. The only thing I know about this itinerary is that we land in Hong Kong Friday night, and we leave Monday for Vietnam. I don’t even know what time our flight is. Some tour guide….You’d think he would tell us that info…Sakai won’t be in HKG with us. He is continuing on to Bangkok. He has to unpack from his frozen adventures in the USA, do laundry, and pack for warmer climates. We will all meet up in Ho Chi Minh City Monday. I’m excited to just be with my family in a foreign place. Marc and I used to travel before Ari, and we always had so much fun on our adventures together. This should be no exception. 

Our tour guides for Hong Kong are a friend from High School and his family. Kenny is a Pilot for Fed Ex and relocated to HKG several years ago with his family. We are all so excited to see his city! I’m sure he will know where to get the best Dim Sum in Hong Kong. Looking forward to seeing Kenny and meeting his family. 

It’s nice being in such a different place than last time. It’s even nicer having the three most important males in my life with me. Marc and Ari are right behind Sakai and myself. Each child was given a special candy treat for the flight. Hopefully, they can all behave for the next 16 hours. Me, I’m looking forward to washing down my Xanax with an adult beverage. It will be refreshing after the chocolate covered blueberries I ate before. Ok. Time to sit back, relax, and enjoy this adventure.

Wheels up!!! Next stop HKG!

In just 2 days, we will board our 16 hour flight to begin what is sure to be “an adventure of a lifetime”. Excitement is an understatement. Sadness is also heavily present. For the past few days, as I have been focusing in on getting everything ready, I have wanted to speak to my parents or my aunt more times than I can begin to tell you. I want to share with them all of the things I have been doing to prepare for this trip. To tell them how amazing it has been to spend so much time with Sakai here, in my world. But I can’t. The searing pain in my heart lingers each and every day. They aren’t all bad days though. I do have good ones. The nightmares are still present, but not as they were. Tolerable, is how I answer when Sakai asks me about them. 

Sakai flew in three weeks ago. It was a last minute decision for him to come spend time with me and my family here, at my home. This time has been beyond amazing. The friendships between Marc, Ari, and Sakai have been amazing to watch develop. He is now and forever a part of my family. The downside is that they all gang up on me and call me out on my shit….That seriously must stop. Or one or more of them is not going to make it through the next 6+ weeks. 
It has been so much fun playing tour guide here in SF, and for a few days in Vegas with Sakai. The laughs are never ending. This just may be the most important friendship I will ever have. Maybe for him too. I’ve been just as important to him as he has been for me. It’s something I will treasure forever. I just wish my parents could have met him. But I think it was meant to be this way. I truly believe he was sent to help me deal with this tragedy. 
I’ve pretty much stayed true to my three outfit rule. Though Sakai insisted on extra underwear. He didn’t like my idea of turning them inside out. I guess he never went to sleep away camp….He has gone through what I have packed several times and keeps taking out what he calls the “non-essential” items. We have very different ideas as to what is “essential”….I feel sorry for him when I don’t have my hair products, soft tissues (trust me that is the most important item! It’s worse than sandpaper over there when you can even find some), or more bug spray just to name a few, and he is on the receiving end of my whining. (I know he will completely ignore it). Somehow, I’m sure I will survive without them though. Well, not the soft tissues. Those are most definitely going back in. It’s amazing how much lighter my pack is compared to my last trip. And this time it is essential. I (Marc and Sakai) will be carrying it almost everyday as we journey on to the next location. 
I am so excited to share this new adventure with you all. It is going to be different than my last one. Don’t worry, It will be as adventurous, if not more! I am most excited to share it with the three most important people in my life. The three children I will be traveling with. Trust me when I say that. I can see it already….
Planes, trains, automobiles, buses, motorcycles, bicycles, helicopters, and boats :
HERE WE COME!!!!!!!

It’s that subconscious instinct of going to call my mom that gets me every time. I will think of something, see something, or do something that I want to share with her. Then I realize I can’t. She’s gone. They’re both gone. It’s been 131 days since I have spoken to my parents. It feels like yesterday, and yet it feel like a lifetime. So many things have happened in these 131 days. So much has changed. I have changed so much. The way I look at life has changed more than anything. Things don’t matter like they used to. I react differently to situations. That is the best thing that could have come out of my adventure. That and my need to purge. No, I didn’t become bulimic. When I returned home, I looked around at all the crap we have accumulated in the 20 years we have been living in our house and I felt suffocated. I immediately started throwing away stuff. Things that we have kept didn’t have any meaning anymore. This has been the best experience. Letting go. Letting go of crap. Huge weights have come off. Something I was afraid to do before. Not sure why, but I was. I couldn’t let go of anything. What if I needed it. What would I do if i threw it away and it wasn’t there anymore. Truth is, we don’t need any of it. I sold all of Ari’s baby toys and “equipment”. (Made over $500 without even leaving my house too!) That second baby is just not going to happen. I have finally come to terms with that. My family is perfect the way it is. We are a threesome. One and done. I think that has also lifted a huge burden off my shoulders. Now if only the city would approve our plans for our remodel. Then we can get rid of more stuff and pack. Though, there won’t much left to pack. Lol. We may know in a few weeks at the next design review session with the City. Our third!!!

  Our big Southeast Asia adventure is right around the corner too. I can’t wait. I can’t wait to see Sakai again. I miss him so. We are in contact a lot, but it isn’t the same. The best news, is that he is coming here before we leave! Marc and Ari can get to know him here! I am so excited for that. I am so excited to see him and show him my world here. He will be in the states for a few weeks in January. Then we will all fly to Hong Kong together. He will spend one night and one day there with us there, and then he will go home, unpack, repack, and meet us in Ho Chi Min City a few days later to start our amazing adventure he has planned.
 Keeping with my not needing or wanting to be in control, I have not looked at our itinerary. I don’t want to know the day to day. I want to just be in the moment; every moment. I trust him and what he has in store for us. I can’t wait for Ari to see that the world is not the bubble he has lived in for his 11 years of life. He will definitely be out of his comfort zone and that is going to be the best experience. I can’t wait to experience this type of travel with Marc. We have traveled to many places in the world together, but never like this. And never for this long. I just know it’s going to be an adventure of a lifetime! 
Having just been there, packing is going to be so easy. I know what we need and what we don’t need. I am pretty much packed myself. Just have to throw things into my backpack and I’m good to go. Marc and Ari are on their own, but I mean it when I say three outfits! One on. One off. One in the wash…..
Stay tuned for 2017 and our upcoming adventure. I can’t wait to share it with everyone.