One on, one off, one in the wash…

I’ve been home for less than 72 hours. I don’t remember what day it is and I haven’t put back on a watch. I’m not sure if I’m happy my Bangkok Hair has followed me home or not, and it is cold and rainy outside. 
It’s so easy to fall back into control mode here. Responsibility has reared its ugly head. Ari’s school actually cares if I get him there on time. Ari actually cares if I feed him. I had hoped maybe he would have learned how to do all those things by himself while I was away, including driving himself to school. My bad. In a few short years he won’t need me, so I may as well enjoy this time. And I do. I really do. 

I don’t know what I expected it to be like when I came back. I mean look how much I changed. Look at all the obstacles I overcame. Seriously, remember the leeches? Remember the slippery rocks? It feels like not much has actually changed. I have a new perspective and a quietness that I haven’t had in a while. Maybe that’s enough? Maybe that’s what I was looking for. I don’t know. There are things that are very confusing right now. Some relationships that you thought were actually something may not be that way. Some may be better than you thought they were. It’s all so confusing. You think you learn about people, and then they do or say something that you wouldn’t think a true friend would do or say. I did learn that I do have options of how I react to situations. And it’s up to me to exercise those reactions. Some people may actually be surprised at my future reactions. Oh well. That’s for them to deal with.  

 I have to say, running away has had its merits. But that is not real life. It was the real me there, every second of it. But it wasn’t my real life. My life is here. My family is here. My friends are here. What if things aren’t right though? What do you do? Can’t keep running away. Saying goodbye, and letting go at that alter was quite the experience. Coming back and seeing their pictures and the boxes I shipped back was hard. It is a reminder they are truly gone. Oh how I wanted to call and tell them all about my adventure. I am trying to find peace with that.

 I am also trying to connect Marc with what I experienced. I know he will never be able to fully comprehend why and what I had to do. Maybe he isn’t supposed to be connected to it. After all, it was my trip. They were my obstacles. He doesn’t need objects to connect him. He has me. He also has his own experiences. He has traveled alone, and we have many many years of travel experiences together. We will get even more experiences on this next trip together. It’s only 8 weeks away. 

It’s a bit isolating here. Everyone is deep in their lives right now. But that’s ok. I actually like myself right now and am enjoying being with me. I have noticed I am not on my phone as much as I used to be. I haven’t turned on a television. I haven’t read anything. I have no idea what’s going on in the world. And you know what? I’m good, no, I’m excellent with that. 

We have design review this coming Monday night. Hopefully, the city will finally pass this newest set of plans, and we can move forward with our project that began almost two years ago. If so, then we have the next 8 weeks to pack up our entire house and get ready for both of our adventures. Daunting as that seems, and it does, I am ready to purge. Ready to purge everything and start over. Clean fresh start. New perspective. 

 It’s time to put to use what I’ve learned about myself by myself. Not what anyone else has shown me. Time to see what I am truly capable of alone. Because in the end, that’s really all you have to count on….

Maybe I did run away. Maybe things just got too hard for me that I had no choice but to run away. I had to take that leap of fate. I had to do the unthinkable and leave my family. To go with a virtual stranger on an unknown adventure. I do however, know full well, when I return it is all still going to be there. My hope is that I am now in a better place so that I can begin to rebuild my new life. I am on my way back. I can not wait to see Marc and Ari when I get home. I wish the trip wasn’t as long as it is. 16 hours…. I just took off from Bangkok and am en route to Hong Kong. Two and a half hours this leg. Then a two and a half hour layover there, and finally an 11 hour flight to SFO. Ugh. So long. I didn’t plan on sharing this trip with the world. It’s not me to put my emotions out there. It felt right. It felt good. Most, if not all of my posts were just free thoughts I wrote down. I would start to write them on my phone not knowing what I would write, and it would all just pour out of me. So what you have read is real. It is raw. It has left me vulnerable. But I did that to myself. 

Saying goodbye was so incredibly hard. So hard. Bruises, crossing crocodile filled rivers, hiking barefoot over jagged rocks, leaches, mud, scrapes, million hour hikes up stairs and hills each way, and even Bangkok hair (levels of humidity that are just not compatible with life will do that to your hair) were ALL worth it. I wouldn’t trade one second of this adventure. Even our impasse. All worth it. Worth learning that I can do this. Worth learning what it means to be a true friend. I didn’t want to leave. Nope. Not at all. Yet I can’t wait to get back to my family. I thought about them a lot on this trip. I spoke about them a lot. Yet this trip wasn’t for them. They couldn’t have been here with me. This was for me and me alone. Mine to make it whatever it was supposed to be. 
I tried my best to express my gratitude and all that was done to make this happen. I will be forever thankful for such a special person to have entered into my life. There is a reason for everything I believe, and I hope to be able to use what I have learned moving forward. For real. I know I can never repay Sakai for all he has done. I also know that I don’t have to. I know I have done so much for him too. Our on going friendship is the best payment to each other. I look forward to many years of traveling with him. The two of us exploring unknown lands. Even if he’s been to the locations we choose, as he’s been almost everywhere in the world. That’s ok. We will forever be learning together on our adventures. 

No, this wasn’t an Eat, Pray, Love kind of trip. Nor was it an Eat Shit and Die kind of trip. The food was beyond amazing and I am still here to tell you all about it. I had no idea what “kind” of trip it was going to end up being, and in my wildest dreams, I could never imagine that it would be what it was. I cannot wait to experience traveling with Sakai with the addition of Marc, and Ari …Just 9 weeks and away we go! Almost seven weeks of the adventure of our lives! ALL of our lives. He may have planned it. He may know the areas. However, we all have so much to teach each other. Things you can only learn when you travel as we will. It can be intense at times. But that is what makes you stronger. And believe me when I say 3 outfits! One on, one off, one in the wash. It’s really all you need. I know. I just did it. (So happy my bag will be so much lighter then). 

There is one thing I could have done with out…. I could have done without the bathrooms in Thailand. But that’s another story. And I was told that they are even worse in Vietnam. So looking forward to that. Also looking forward to sharing our adventure with you all. 

If the Mon Village wasn’t enough of an emotional day, Sakai decided we needed to go to Erawan National Park to see the Erawan Waterfalls, about an hour drive from Soi Yak. Really? Can’t we just lie here in the sun and swim in the river? Nope. I asked Sakai what I would need to bring for this hike. (Remember our last one???) He said I didn’t need anything, and that I was fine in flip flops. This wasn’t going to be a “hike” As usual the scenery was beautiful. Being Sunday, the park was very crowded. Being Sakai, we had to eat as soon as we got there because it had already been about 36 minutes since his last feeding. We had some amazing local food from a food stall and then we set off on our journey. 

There are 7 levels of waterfalls. The furthest one being 2000 meters. Straight up. We were looking for a spot at the third level. One that he had seen, but had never been to. At least I thought that’s what we were doing….As we began our ascent, I couldn’t help but think Holy Crap WTF with stairs in Thailand. They are EVERYWHERE and up in each direction! And they aren’t uniform. Each step is a different height. Anyway, I digress. We get to level 3, and Sakai says we are going to keep going a bit. Ok I think. It’s not that bad. After a bit the stairs are gone, the dirt path is gone, and we are climbing rocks. SERIOUSLY SAKAI!!!!! WTF! Then it starts getting slippery from the people who are heading back down from the other falls. So far I’ve seen four people wipe out. We keep climbing. He’s like a mountain goat, jumping over rocks. Keep in mind I’m in flip flops and he is in closed toe shoes. Thanks for that one! At one point, I stopped and told him I was DONE. I wasn’t playing his game anymore. He told me no. I was going. So on I went. After all, what are a few hundred more bruises and scratches on my body. Oh, and did I mention we weren’t allowed water? They don’t let you bring it in. WTF?! Finally we made it to the “end of the trail”. The 7th Waterfall. It was beautiful. And so refreshing to get in the water. We could sit up here and relax and let the fish eat the dead skin off our feet. It tickled once you got used to it. We were there about 15 minutes when Sakai said we had to go. That we had a time limit to get down as the park was closing. WHAT??? Go back down? Not happening. Not possible. Toooooo slippery. They better send a helicopter to get me. 

We begin our descent. I couldn’t wear my flip flops because now they are wet and making it way to slippery. I’m going to die. Why is he making me do this? It was supposed to be an easy walk to swim in some waterfalls. Fuck. I take off my shoes and go barefoot. Each rock is worse than the one before. People are wiping out everywhere. And Sakai is way ahead of me. At one point I completely wipe out. Now I’m bruised and covered in wet mud. So not happy. And he is no where to help me. Thankful for some nice Thai people who helped me up. I keep going. Climbing down wet slippery rocks. I’m covered in mud. Head to toe. And everything is wet. My bag is covered in mud too. So not happy. Finally, I see Sakai. He is waiting for me. He is laughing. I am so not laughing. My bare feet are hurting so badly from the jagged rocks and other crap. I fall again. This time, Sakai asks if I’m ok. I tell him to go away. He laughs. I tell him I serious. Go away. So he leaves. He goes away. Isn’t that what I told him to do? But I didn’t really want him to leave. I wanted help. But I was stubborn and wouldn’t ask or allow him to help. Finally we get down to the bottom. We stop at the last waterfall so I can wash off. We aren’t speaking. He is pissed at me. WTF? Why are you angry at me? I am the one who kept falling. Who was barefoot. We walk into the water and I fall again. This one cuts my shin. Shit it hurt. I yelled at him that I was fucking done. He looks at me and says, “This was all part of this day. You said goodbye and started a new beginning. And what do you do? YOU GO RIGHT BACK TO YOUR OLD WAYS!” 
Ouch. That hurt more than any of the falls. He was so right. I should have asked and/or allowed him to help me. But it is my knee jerk reaction to just do it alone. I have disappointed the one person who has done so much for me. Has shown me what I am able to do. That it’s ok to allow people to help me. That I don’t have to do it alone. I suck. Somehow, someway, I have to take all that I have learned here on this journey and actually apply it to my life as I move forward. I’m sure I will make mistakes. I will fail at times. But I promise I will try. 

Located in Soi Yak which is in Kanchanaburi Provence, Hellfire Pass is the name of a railway cutting on the former Burma Railway in Thailand which was built with forced labour during the Second World War, in part by Allied prisoners of war. 20 months of the most inhumane conditions. The back breaking work of cutting through stone to make the Thai-Burma railway. 18 hours each and every day. Disease, starvation, beatings, death. Thousands of Australian, British, and Dutch POWs, as well as Malayans who were given false promises of good jobs. Why is it we were not taught about this? Why was this not important? It was happening at the same time as Pearl Harbor. Does that make it less important that it did not take place on our soil? Many Americans were also POWs here and worked on the railway.

The beautiful tented camp that we stayed in last night is where many of the POWs called home every night after their back breaking labor. No, they didn’t have the amenities we were afforded. Maybe they had the rooster who crowed a “half crow” all night long. Maybe they had the goat who wouldn’t stop bleating at the rooster to shut up! No. their accommodations were for sure not what we had. I am so very lucky that I have been taught this history that I had not known. It has changed the way I view many things. This entire trip has been a history lesson of some sort. I have learned the history of Thailand. I have learned the history of Sakai. I have also relearned my own history.

I have, as I have said in prior posts, grown during this trip. I have changed. I will not be the same person who returns home. And that is ok. That is more than ok. That is why I came on this adventure. I am coming to learn that my adventure may actually only just be beginning. Maybe my adventure really starts when I get back. What will it be like? Will life go back to the way it was? Will I? I can’t. I worked too hard on this journey for that to happen. But how? How will I take all that I have endured and learnt here back with me? How do I do I bring it ALL back home. Back to Marc and Ari? Back to my friends? That is when my new history will begin to be learnt. (That damn Aussie spelling again 😜).

I won’t have Sakai to help me on that journey. That journey is up to me. It is mine to decide how it will be……

The jabs of bamboo on my shoulder blade, the scratches and leech bites on my legs and arms, as painful as they were, are a reminder that I am alive. That I can endure. That I am stronger than I ever realized. They are my badges of honor. They are also my cue that it is time to let go. To say goodbye. That may be the most painful thing I have learnt on this trip. (After spending 24/7 with an Aussie, you pick up their spelling as lame as that is). The whole purpose of this trip has been to let go. To figure out who I am. What I am. To hopefully say goodbye to the nightly nightmares. Yes, they are still happening. But they are changing. Last night for example, it wasn’t Marc walking with me to see my mother all broken and gone. It was Sakai, and we didn’t even see my mother. He was telling me that it was ok. That it was time. He didn’t say time for what though. I still woke with the panicked ” I can’t breathe” feeling. But it was different. I’m different. Things don’t matter as much. Take time for example. I haven’t worn a watch since I left SF. I don’t care what time it is. I don’t even know what day it is. And that’s ok. It’s better than ok. It’s so freeing.

Right now I am sitting outside our glampping tent listening to Sakai laugh while he is watching an Australian comedy show. I love hearing his laugh. It is so pure. It can light up a room. Just like Marc, Sakai smiles with his eyes. Every time, it makes me think of Marc. I miss him so. How hard this must have been for him to let me go. I truly hope he knows how much this trip was for him, as much as it is for me. I needed to go so I could come back. I’m not ready to go back yet. There is still more I need to do. More I need to learn. More demons I need to confront. But I am making progress. I can’t wait for our trip in February. It is going to be beyond amazing. I can’t wait for Marc and Ari to meet Sakai, and for him to meet them. I don’t want to share him though. He is my special “island”. My calm in the middle of my storm. But I know they need to learn from Sakai. And he from them.

 

im·passe
ˈimˌpas,imˈpas/
noun
a situation in which no progress is possible, especially because of disagreement; a deadlock.
“the current political impasse”
synonyms: deadlock, dead end, stalemate, standoff

 

 

According to the dictionary, an impasse is a deadlock. No way around. No way through. A complete disagreement. What if it isn’t? Are people truly capable of stepping back and examining all sides without having to “give in” on their feelings or beliefs?

If you were to ask me that two nights ago, I would have told you no. No fucking way. Not possible. How could I even begin to be able to consider someone else’s position on something that is and has been such a strong position I have held.

It started as a simple conversation between friends. Actually, there wasn’t anything simple about it. But we were having it. It was going well. Some give here, some take there. And then it happened. We were at a complete impasse. What I did not realize was just how passionate and self righteous you can become when your beliefs are questioned. How can others not see your side? Not even take it into account? Even if it is your best friend. They should be able to see your side right? Apparently not. Hatred can rear it’s ugly head even in a person who you may have never thought that was a possibility. I mean really, how can that happen? Well, it can. And it hurts when it does. Really truly hurts. Deep down to your core.

However, it doesn’t mean you can’t work though it. Even the most stubborn people can break through an impasse. It does mean that you really have to look deep inside yourself and find that teeny tiny piece of your being that can, even if it is just to imagine, can try to see another’s point of view. Their beliefs are not a personal attack on you. That is hard to see in the moment. But it isn’t. Everyone is entitled to their point of view. Even if it opposite yours. It takes a strong person to be able to admit there are many sides. Many beliefs.

What happens when there are two stubborn people who have reached an impasse? How do you address the elephant in the room? Someone has to take the first step. It might as well be you. You have nothing to lose. Especially if you trust the other person with your life. In reality, at least in my reality, all it does is open the door to possibilities. Maybe there are three sides. Why can’t you each have your opinion and agree to disagree? Maybe meet somewhere in the middle without giving up your beliefs. Trust me when I say it is a possibility. And it feels amazing when you can break through. It doesn’t mean I have changed my opinion or belief. It just means I was able to open my mind to other possibilities.

I admit, I am a control freak. I need to know everything…in advance. I need to know what it will look like, feel like, taste like, who will do it and how. And biggest of all, how things will end up. At least I used to be.

August 21, 2016, changed that. I was not in control. Of anything or anyone, least of all of myself. I couldn’t trust anything from then on. What was the point anyway? If I couldn’t control it, it didn’t matter. Thus began my downward spiral. Until, and you all know by now, until I “met” Sakai. What started as a recommendation that I contact him to plan our 6 week Southeast Asia backpack trip, has turned into a life changing experience. Never before have I put complete trust into someone, not questioning the outcome. (Please don’t put Marc into this. Of course, I trust him 100,000,000%. This is different).

This time in Thailand so far, has taught me that I don’t need to be in control. I don’t need to know everything beforehand. I actually don’t want to. At times, I find myself thinking that I should ask Sakai while we are headed of to do something, or  driving somewhere, like today, on the drive from Khao Yai to Ayutthaya. What does Ayutthaya look like? Is it a city? Is it in the country? Dammit I need to know and I need to know NOW! I stop myself, and take a deep breath. Then it hits me. I don’t need to know. I don’t want to know. Thinking about it, I haven’t wanted to know anything since I boarded the plane in SF.

Bangkok was not how I had pictured it in my mind. I don’t know what I expected it to be. It just wasn’t anything I thought or anything I didn’t think. And that was the most freeing feeling. Getting a tattoo should have been something for me to want to control. I mean it’s mine and will be mine for life. But I didn’t. I trusted Sakai to know what I needed. And he couldn’t have been more right. I should have thought and prepared ahead about our hike yesterday. How long would it be? Where was our map? Why don’t we have a map? How can we go without one? I don’t know where I am! But he knew. Until we got lost. Then neither of us knew. And that was another freeing moment. It didn’t matter!

It doesn’t really matter. It will all end up ok. Or it will just end up. Right? I am learning that the best part is the journey. If I spend time trying to control it, it isn’t a journey anymore. It is a task that may or may not meet my expectations of what it should be. It’s ok to relinquish control and just BE in the moment. Because in the end, that is the best experience.

Khao Yai National Park is huge. 400 km long. It goes all the way to the border of Thailand and Cambodia. You can see all types of wildlife there. Gibbons, Elephants, Deer, Pigtail Macaque, and Rhinoceros Hornbills, as well as many other species of birds and insects. Oh and leeches. But we will get to those later…

Our day started out quite lazy. Slept late, moving slowly. (Drank lots of wine and beer the prior night) We finally made it to the park around 11. Got a quick snack, and headed out on our search for Gibbons and Elephants. Sakai knew which trail we would take. At least he said he did. Almost immediately, we saw elephant tracks. We were on a great start. It was uphill for a while. We heard what he thought was a Bull Elephant. We ventured off the path. One of many times we would do that on this “easy trek”. We could hear Gibbons in the distance as well.

At some point, I think we both finally realized we were lost. I was ok about it though. I have complete trust in Sakai’s knowledge of the Jungle. It was fun. Our own adventure. We would find a trail after a while. We were ok. When we lost it again, I pulled out my phone to bring up our current location. We were far from where we wanted to end up. And now we had a major obstacle. No, it wasn’t the many spider webs we had to break through. Nor was it the prickly vines we were dealing with. Maybe shorts wasn’t such a great idea. After all, Sakai was in pants. At least I had closed shoes. He had Haviannas on. Remember, this was supposed to be an easy 2-3 hour trek. Our current location had a river in front of us. The only way back to the road. We didn’t remember crossing a river. Nope, I’m pretty positive we hadn’t.

On we went. We finally came to a point where we found the river. We were going to follow it to where it intersected with the road. Or so we thought. At one point, Sakai pointed out a fresh water crocodile that went into the river. Then he said we were in a place where the crocodiles laid their eggs. REALLY!!! Not good. Our only option was to cross the river. It was wide. AND there were crocodiles! We saw a fallen tree going all the way across the river. Sakai asked how my balance skills were. OMG. Is he fucking for real? He found a few large sticks and said, ok. We’re going. It’s not deep. Are you FUCKING kidding me? Did we not just see a crocodile go in?? We started across. The water was so refreshing. We got to the log, and Sakai said I had to get on it. Holy Crap! I climbed on and “frogged my way across” I made that log my bitch. When we got to the other side, it was sinking mud. But we made it. We were in the clear. We were going to get to the road. Yeah, no. We had to cross the river three more times!!!! At one point, Sakai’s shoe broke. Then the other one broke. Then he lost one. He had to make it the rest of the way barefoot. I decided I wouldn’t complain if he had to go barefoot. That really wouldn’t be nice. Would it? I looked down and saw I was covered in leeches. Holy Shit. WTF? We had no choice but to carry on. We were going to get out of this. I had to stop though. Everything was starting to go black. I was dizzy. We only had a little water left. It was then I remembered I had Peanut M&Ms!!! And dried mango. Yay me.

We finally made it to where we knew the road would be. But not after we were seriously lost and had to retrace our steps many times. I still wasn’t scared. It felt right it be on this adventure with him. Wasn’t that the whole point of this trip? Well, maybe not lost in a Thai jungle, but you get the point. Our last obstacle was to go through a grassy area. I had heard him mumble something about snakes…REALLY? Remember he was barefoot! He said be as loud as you can. That was the only time I was actually afraid. But the road was up ahead. There were many prickly vines though. And did I mention the leeches that were still sucking all of my blood?

We finally made it to the road and we’re going to hitch a ride back to our car. The first one wouldn’t take us. Then a pickup truck stopped and we climbed in back. We must have looked like. Bloody, muddy, and shoeless. OMG, we couldn’t stop laughing. We made it! Now we just had to survive riding in the back of a pickup truck. We got to the visitors center. Got drinks. Washed off. Pulled leeches off. So much blood. Yet we couldn’t stop laughing. We got in the car and headed to the waterfalls that were seen in the movie The Beach. We opted not to hike down to the bottom. After all, we were lucky once. That was enough for me.

BEST HIKE EVER!!

After driving for an hour in endless Bangkok traffic, in what seemed like circles, we turn down a tiny street on the outskirts of Bangkok, not much bigger than an alley. We came upon what looked like a garage, with chairs, and a little shrine outside. This was the place, the world known Arjan Neng’s studio. He is a spiritual Sak Yant tattoo master.  We entered his little studio and bowed to his shrine of Buddhist divinities. A lady came out and greeted us. I couldn’t understand what she was saying. Thankfully, we fought Alex with us. He speaks Pali Sanskrit. He told her we were interested in a tattoo for me. She told us to have a seat that the Arjan was working on someone’s tattoo. There was another couple already sitting outside as well. The guy looked quite nervous. They were looking at a photo book. We sat and were handed another book to look at. Here were so many designs. Which was right for me? All I knew is I wanted a small tattoo. All of these were so large. I also needed something that had meaning pertaining to my current situation. Did they have one for someone who basically ran away from home to try and confront her recent past so that she could finally move forward?

Sakai knew what I needed, one with protection he said. He had Alex ask the lady if we could consult with the Arjan. She went in and asked, coming back and saying he needed to know the situation. Alex explained. A few minutes later the lady came back with another book. In that one, I kept pointing to different photos with a similar design. Sakai said I had found the one. We asked what it meant. Alex translated what the lady said, that it was indeed for protection. This was it. Was I really going to do this? I was terrified. Sakai and Alex just smiled and told me to do what my heart was telling me. Sakai said he would be with me for the entire process, but that he could not hold my hand as I had asked him to promise he would.

My legs were shaking when one guy came outside from the studio, and had the three of us (and the other guy who was also waiting with his girlfriend) come inside to the Arjan’s studio and sit before the Gods, offering up prayers and thanks to their protective powers. Then they had us all go back outside. I was given 9 lit incense sticks and was told to stand in front a statue of Ganesh, Remover of Obstacles, and offered him the sandalwood sticks.

Then we were led inside and told to sit. There was an offering plate already assembled with marigolds and candles for me to hold to Ajarn Neng to bless, and I added my own “donation” of Thai Baht to the offering plate. As Ajarn Neng held his hands down to receive the offering and I kept my arms outstretched at crown chakra height, we both held the offering while he said a quiet prayer to bless this ritual.
I was then told to sit with my back towards the Arjan and wrap my arms around my knees. The Arjan drew a picture of what I wanted and showed it to us. Sakai nodded and told me that it was perfect. My entire body was shaking. Two men sat on either side of me , told me to bend forward, and stretched the skin on my left shoulder blade. Just before we began Arjan Neng whispered in my ear “Repeat the mantra ‘Soh Yathra’ as I tattoo”. This was to put me in a meditative state. Despite the very long bamboo stick being jabbed into my skin repeatedly, I tried my best to not say “oh fuck” as I thought that might not be respectful? I tried to concentrate on what I was supposed to be chanting but it hurt and I kept tensing up. It felt like each time I relaxed he was gentle, and when tensed he went even harder. I asked if we were almost finished several times. Each time, Sakai would say no, and the Arjan would laugh and say, almost finished. What seemed to be forever, was actually only maybe 10 minutes. Later, Sakai would tell me that normally when Arjan Neng senses you are in pain, he backs off and is more gentle with the bamboo. However, not in my case. Each time I tensed, he went harder. Why? Because my tattoo had to show me that I can endure the most painful situations and come through them on the other side. That is the protection I was given.
When the tattooing was complete I was to remain sitting in a cross legged/ lotus position on the ground in front of Ajarn Neng so he could bless my Yantra tattoo with holy water and to say a prayer to seal in the sacred energy created through the ritual.
As it was all over, I turned around to face the Ajarn, brought my hands to heart center and bowed to him in thanks for the sacred ink he had blessed me with. As I got up to leave he handed me a card with a special manta on it for me to repeat 3 times every morning when I wake to keep the sacred tattoos energy alive.